Given that I am an 80 year old woman trapped inside a 23 year old body, I don’t often find myself too hungover. But lately, there have been a couple of occasions where I’ve had a cheeky couple and woken with a bitter reminder of the gross-pit that is the day after the night before. Believe it or not, I used to breeze through the sweats, the chunder, the inability to eat. I would walk myself to McDonald’s, grab a chicken nugget meal and a free student cheeseburger, take it back to my bed, inhale it all and sleep.
5 hours later, I’d be good to go. Swaning around my bedroom listening to Bieber, crying at the fact I have nothing to wear after the past four consecutive nights in Oceana.
Those were the days. Naaaaat.
As much as I love a good night out; as a real life adult, I can’t quite see the excitement with being followed by a 16 year old trying to dry hump you. I don’t have the patience for spilt snakebites and it takes the next 4 days to recover from one glass of wine. It’s not okay.
But because it’s a Friday night and you are all probably going to wake up in the morning regretting that last shot of tequila (and don’t say I didn’t warn you), I thought I’d be the babe that I am and help you get through the day like the mature adult that you are. You’re Welcome.
TIP 1 – Coffee and Fanta
(Probably not together, but worth a go?) Endless supply of fizzy drinks and caffeine. Anyone that tells you to drink water with a hangover is a liar.
TIP 2 – Having A Wash
I know that brushing our teeth and doing something with our hair is the last thing we wanna be doing when we can barely open our eyes without vomming, but I’m telling you, it’s a game changer.
TIP 3 – Hangover Sex
Waking up with somebody that hasn’t stolen your phone, broken your laptop, that knows your name and will stay for dinner, makes it all better. And cuddles are simply the best thing when feeling fragile, let’s be honest.
TIP 4 – Acceptance
We’re adults now. Be a big spender. Enjoy life. Buy your mate’s mate a drink. We all know where this is going. We know you’re waking up with £10 left in your account. We don’t need to tell our parents that we were mugged or the taxi man has stolen it. Accept that you have a problem and wait until the next pay day to do it all again.
TIP 5 – Sleep
I may be almost approaching the scary twenty-somethings before I actually have to sort my life out, but this is still an essential part of hangover survival, at any age. Except in order to cope with real life for the next week, I’d suggest staying in bed until Sunday night. Perhaps even repeat these tips daily until you feel like a normal human again.
TIP 6 – Go For A Run
Only Joking. Don’t do that.
If all else fails, just know that Dominos and Netflix are waiting for you and that really, you don’t have to be too grown up. Not even with a hangover.