It’s Monday friends. And it’s been a little while. Truth is, it’s taken me a good few weeks into 2016 to feel like I can really do this blog thing. I’ve been tired and unmotivated, uninspired and a little insecure that maybe my words aren’t good enough. I haven’t wanted to post for the sake of posting and sometimes, I think we just need a break to appreciate real life.
I want to make this more real, feel like I’m really sharing something other than a recipe or my latest ramble on how much I spent this month. It’s just taking me a little while to figure all of that out. I want it to be my hobby again and lately, I’ve felt too much pressure to be good.
Besides all of this and my personal battles at home, 2016 has so far been incredible. I can drive. Really legally drive and although I haven’t yet made it miles down the road, I can already feel the difference that it’s going to make. It’s about time anyway. I’m busy and enjoying friends and eating out, and drinking cocktails and shopping and watching tv, and drinking lots of wine with the boyfriend, planning and cooking and sleeping.
Work for a little while, didn’t feel so much like work and although I do love my job and this new role I’m learning so much about, I know that I don’t love work. I spent the past year wishing for a 9-5 and now, only three months in I wonder if work and earning money and being normal will ever be enough. I’m not about this life.
I could go on and could do so in a lot of detail but I’m genuinely happy. It does worry me; being too happy sometimes makes me feel a little uneasy. Like something is bound to go wrong. How stupid is that. But life is good.
I am eating a lot of pizza and drinking my body weight in mocha lattes. I am living for my nighttime bath. I became far too addicted to Celebrity Big Brother. I got a Prezzo takeaway the other day and realised it’s life changing. I drove myself to the shops on Saturday to buy an outfit for my night out. I then spent a lot of money on Malibu and cokes and got my debit card blocked. I consider 9pm an hour past my bedtime. Nothing beats a glass of red wine and Saturday night TV. I keep staring at the stack of books I want to read, but my brain always hurts too much to even consider it. I scraped my car for the first time trying to park (turns out I have no idea how to do that). I brought new bed sheets, which basically means I’m a grown up. I also pay for car insurance and my pension. Again, too grown up.
Sometimes, we just need to take some time out to get on with life. Quit with all the photos and that fluff and the dreamy posts. I am in love with blogging but I needed a few weeks to realise that. I needed a few weeks to realise that I’m loving life.
I’ll try and make sure I do something productive with all this love,
I really related to this post. I’ve only been blogging since October of last year, but I’d been wanting to start a blog if only to have an excuse to put my many photographs toward something so they weren’t just sitting on instagram or on my computer. I’ve definitely enjoyed having the creative outlet, but it can be a challenge to figure out which ideas are worth posting. That said, sometimes it’s hard not to feel like a phony – or just another voice in an already very crowded room.
But then I connect with another blogger, or get a comment from someone who liked my photos or my words, and it feels good. Like you, I’m trying to just enjoy myself and keep the pressure from steering me from authenticity.
I really appreciate your comment Julia, thanks. Blogging can be hard work but it shouldn’t be. I hope you continue doing what you love! It is definitely worth it when you find other people that feel the same as you do! That’s what this is all about.
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