We’ve all done it. Promised to have a productive day and then not moved. If we’ve dressed, it was because we tried on every piece of clothing in our wardrobe just to make sure we wanted it all. If we’ve washed, it’s because we hadn’t in a couple of days and the parents or our housemates began avoiding our stench. If you are determined to throw away 24 hours then you must do so properly. Here are five effort-less ways to successfully waste your day.
1. Set your alarm early but be sure to lay in bed for an extra two-four hours catching up on youtube and every living social media app. Mentally make a list of all the things you should be doing today but probably won’t.
2. Before deciding on whether or not to shower and do something with your life, head to comedy central and watch consecutive friends episodes that you have seen a million times but cannot function without.
3. It’s now lunchtime. After having eaten your entire fridge (and you have checked it’s all gone), go back to your Instagram and Facebook and watch other people go about their day. Make sure you have instagram-ed your lunch and maybe take a few selfies. If you feel like it, waste your wages by shopping online. Then, pace the house a few times thinking about how you can quickly make some money – because you immediately feel guilty about your purchases.
4. ‘Organise’ your room for the tenth time this week but do absolutely no housework. Stare at the piles of washing for sure, but do not even think about touching it.
5. Nap. Nap after you wake, nap after you’ve washed, nap after you’ve eaten, nap after you’ve napped. A day can not truly be wasted without a sufficient nap. Or three.
one for luck. At the end of your wasted day, tweet the world and tell them how unproductive you have been and that you promise to be better tomorrow. You WILL get out and see the world.
Get up the following day and repeat.
Yep, sounds about right. I hope this has helped you understand the art of truly doing nothing with your life. It’s not a life cut out for everyone but I know I can’t be alone. Please help.
until next time,