10 THINGS* I HATE ABOUT BEING A WAITRESS

*ACTUALLY TURNED OUT TO BE 25 THINGS BECAUSE THERE IS A LOT I DISLIKE.

Don’t get me wrong, being a waitress has several perks (like, a handful). The best thing about being a waitress is the tips, for which if they didn’t exist, I’d have probably given up on life by now (or quit, you choose). The second best thing is my work friends, they get it, we can bitch about life and understand each other without feeling like we’re chewing ears off. And the third, on a good day, are the customers, some of which get me chatting. BUT, there is sadly, ALOT that has me hanging on to my car door every shift. Here’s the list –

WHAT WEEKEND? – Friday and Saturday nights are basically a myth. OR, if we get the night off, we’re in at 6:45 the next morning. Cheers hun.
KEEP THE CHANGE – I will really treat myself with that 4p you left me and made a big deal about. Soz, we all think it.
THE PEOPLE THAT STARE TO GET YOUR ATTENTION – Does it look like I can mind read? WHAT DO YOU WANT?!
BIG TABLES – plz plz plz be a babe and clear your own plates.
HAVING TO BREAK THE BAD NEWS – I’m sorry that we’re out of chicken, and mushrooms and chips and corn.
GETTING A TABLE 10 MINUTES BEFORE CLOSE – Do not expect me to be nice to you.
CUSTOMERS THAT MAY AS WELL CAMP OUT – It’s always the late ones that eat the slowest, chat the most, stick around for a coffee… just no.
GRILL LINGERERS – Can you not spy on your food, or get your 5 year old to. I’ll bring it when it’s ready.
PEOPLE THAT SEAT THEMSELVES – DID I SAY YOU COULD SIT THERE?!?
PEOPLE THAT WANT TO SIT ON THE ONLY DIRTY TABLE – Erm, this table is currently out of action, can you not be a bellend?
COUPLES – We all do it, I get it. You’re all cute holding hands across the table and that, but can you not?!
RUNNERS – People that get you at it the entire shift, order 15 meals and desserts and then run without paying. FU.
FUSSY EATERS – Yeah, I’ll have the bacon and cheese burger plz. No bacon. No cheese. No salad or sauce. No burger.
HAVING TO PRETEND TO BE HAPPY EVEN WHEN YOU WANT TO KILL SOMEONE.
14 HOUR SHIFTS – Being on my feet that long is not even okay.
DISCOUNT VOUCHERS – I’m really glad you told me about that discount voucher AFTER I’ve just printed your bill.
THE MOANERS – People that moan about everything. I get it, you’re paying for a good meal. But seriouuuusly, shut up.
TABLES WITH 10 CHILDREN – I really enjoy spending 15 minutes cleaning smudged chips out of the carpet, can you not let your kids run around and no, they can’t have a chef’s hat.
BANK HOLIDAYS ARE BASICALLY THE DEVIL – Every bloody person in the entire world is off work, except for me. Or at least, that’s how it feels when you’re serving tables of 12 on christmas day.
THE REFILL ALCOHOL JOKE – No, you’re pint of Carlsberg isn’t unlimited and that’s the 459673758 time I’ve heard that joke today.
WHAT TIME DO YOU FINISH? – Rota’d to finish at 9, not out by 11 – AY?!
PEOPLE THAT MAKE POTIONS WITH THEIR FOOD – I’m sure putting ice cream in your lemonade was lovely but I’m not cleaning that shit up.
GETTING SAUCE ON MY HANDS – Anyone that knows me, knows I do not deal with sauces. I WILL CRY IF KETCHUP TOUCHES ME ONE MORE TIME. Also, HOT PLATES – my hands are so poorly.
CUSTOMERS THAT AREN’T READY TO ORDER – I have taken 2 minutes of my time to take your order, be fucking ready.
YOU ARE NOT MY CUSTOMER, SIT DOWN – Walking around the restaurant doing my thing and a bloody customer from another section asks for something, stick to your own waitress my friend, I do not care about your problems.